Alptraum
by GLaDOS-01
Summary: Nightmares of memories haunt Beca, and all she can do is try running from them. Mina finds her and sees something wrong. Emotions run wild and soon Beca can't hold it in anymore. Established!Becommissar


**A/N: This is just a oneshot that popped into my head while I was working on my other fics. I hope you guys like it.**

" _No, stop! Don't go, please!"_

A gasp tore from Beca as she jolted awake. It felt way too hard to catch her breath. With the vision still replaying in her mind, she couldn't sit still. She couldn't go back to sleep, she knew. These nightmares plaguing her wouldn't allow it.

Without a thought she slipped out of bed.

With all of the nervous and terrified energy running through her she didn't even feel tired. The trek to the kitchen down the hall went by in what felt like a second. She snatched a cup out of the cupboard and slammed on the tap water. She didn't even wait until it was half filled before gulping it down.

Beca was about to slam the cup down onto the countertop before suddenly remembering she wasn't alone.

 _Mina_.

An unseen hand reached into her chest and squeezed, hard. Tears stung at her eyes, and she set the cup down as quietly as possible. She couldn't let Mina wake up and see her like this. Like her old self- afraid to even breathe for fear something would break forever, unable to be repaired. She had been broken enough times that she didn't think she could take it again.

If Mina saw her in this state Beca would be too weak, too vulnerable to hide it all away as she normally could. This all-encompassing _fear_ that gripped her was the one thing she hadn't shown to the German in the months they had been together. Two years since they met and still she was able to keep it hidden. Mostly because Mina was a deep sleeper and the fear only struck her in the dark of the night. By morning she would be okay.

Mina would find her sitting out on the balcony looking at the morning sky with a cup of coffee in her hands like nothing was wrong. She wouldn't suspect that Beca had such a crippling fear. She wouldn't notice the haunted mood, because when Mina smiled and said even a simple good morning to her, Beca felt her fears settle and she could smile back. Like always.

With a shaky huff the brunette leaned her hands against the counter. She was shivering like a frightened animal. It was humiliating. To think, the Beca Mitchell everyone seemed to think was emotionally invincible was actually one of the most vulnerable. It was why she was so guarded, so antisocial and distant. The Bellas had worn her down, but Mina was the only one to get her to open up. No one knew of her issues, at least not in detail.

Too restless to stay in place, Beca paced for a minute before whining quietly. The visions were still in her head, playing over and over. She felt way too uprooted.

With a glance at the time proving it would be a couple hours before Mina got up, Beca allowed herself to remain frayed. She had to get it out, had to somehow push it all away just enough to act normal until it happened again. She knew she could once Mina was up. That flawless angel made everything seem so much better. Without her, Beca would still be firmly closed off to the outside world.

Outside on the balcony, Beca gripped the cold railing and leaned against it. She could feel the metal vibrating in her unsteady grip. Why did she always shake so fucking much?

A small, unconvincing huff left her at her own embarrassing state and she wiped irritably at the dampness beading her forehead. It was so stupid. To act like a wired up mess because of a childhood nightmare was just ridiculous, and weak, and unnecessary. She had to be strong, had to bear it without complaint. If she let Mina know, let anyone know, she would forever lose her credibility. She didn't want to be treated like a fragile doll. She could function just fine being the only one who knew her true fear.

"Maus?" a gasp tore from Beca for the second time that night and she whipped around. There, standing half-asleep with clothes askew, was her eight-month long girlfriend. She looked so cute, so innocent that Beca immediately turned away from her. She couldn't see her like this.

"-Hey, Mina." She barely whispered. She couldn't help the shake in her voice and she hated it. Her head dropped a little at the showing tone.

"Beca?" the name change made her cringe. "What's wrong, my love?"

The brunette shook her head a little too forcefully, "Nothing, I'm fine. Just thinking. Don't worry about it."

A hand took her shoulder and tugged. Beca tried resisting at first, but Mina didn't take no for an answer. As soon as she was facing the blonde again Mina wrapped an arm around her waist and brought their bodies together. She brought up her other hand to force Beca's chin up. Their eyes linked.

"Tell me what's hurting you, Beca." Without warning tears began to gather in the brunette's eyes.

She tried to look away but the German had those impossibly soft fingers secure on her chin. "It's stupid. Really, just forget it. You want coffee? I can make some breakfast."

Worry, and maybe a little hurt, flickered in Mina's eyes. "You can tell me anything, liebling. You know that."

Beca closed her eyes against the rising tide. She managed to shake her head slightly, desperate to keep it all hidden. "I can't-" she was cut off by her own involuntary gasp. "I can't let you see me like this."

"Are you afraid I will see you as weak?" the question cut deep into Beca. She wanted to deny it, but it was too late. "Look at me."

A moment passed where Beca was too afraid to do so. She didn't want to see judgment in those captivating blue eyes.

"Look at me, meine liebe."

The second time didn't sound threatening or like an order, but for some reason she felt she had no choice. Beca forced her eyes open. Against her senseless expectations all she saw in her girlfriend's eyes was worry. Absently, she nodded slightly to the earlier question.

"I would never judge you or see you as weaker for feeling distress, Beca." She looked so earnestly into the brunette's eyes. "I… Do I not make you comfortable enough to speak of inner worries?"

"No!" Beca denied instantly. Her hands jumped up to curl into Mina's tank top. "You're the only one that makes me feel _so safe_. I know I can tell you anything- I know I can. It's just that… I don't want you to think of me as weak, or that I need… I need to be coddled or something."

Wordlessly Mina wrapped her up into a soft, surrounding embrace. It was tight and reassuring and just so perfect that the tears finally fell. Without her permission a sob imploded in her chest. Not another second later another sob, and then another, wracked her body. Mina held her through it all, letting her get it out without complaint or judgment.

…

Eventually, after she had calmed down, Mina stooped and gently carried her into the living room. Rather than feeling like she was being treated like a doll, Beca could tell Mina was just being attentive and concerned. Through her expression and her body language, it was easy to see how the blonde was anxious over Beca's seemingly sudden breech in emotional stability.

"So… um…" it was really the stupidest start in the world. Beca shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Could you… hold me so I can- yeah…" Mina hadn't even hesitated at the somewhat odd request. The brunette curled into her like she was a lifeline, wrapping her arms around Mina's neck loosely. Sitting in her lap with those secure arms around her made her feel a little less vulnerable.

"Take your time, liebling." Mina murmured softly, and pressed a kiss to Beca's temple. It caused her arms to tighten a little around the blonde.

"Okay." She took a deep, shaky breath and let it out. "It didn't take long for me to realize how easily relationships could break. As a kid I still remember the fights, the screaming matches… I hated it."

Mina held her a little tighter at that but didn't speak. She just listened.

"So… when I was eight my parents split up. …When I was twelve I woke up one morning to find a sticky note on the kitchen counter. My mom was gone and she wasn't ever coming back. My dad got someone new, and I was just… alone."  
Beca leaned her forehead against Mina's and shut her eyes. She took a shuddering breath. "Ever since then I guess I never really got over it. I have… nightmares. About being left alone, over and over. The thought of it actually happening all over again… of being abandoned again like I'm _nothin_ g-"

Beca's throat closed off, stopping the nervous word vomit in its tracks. It seemed no more words were necessary though, when Mina squeezed her a little tighter and held a hand to her head, keeping her as close as possible. Beca's tears came back, but they were quiet this time. She shivered a little at the haunting memories, but with her face buried in Mina's neck and surrounded by her warmth, it all seemed so much farther away.

After what seemed like an hour, the blonde finally spoke, quietly. "You are everything to me, Beca, meine liebe. I cannot put into words how much I regret what happened to you. If there is anything that I can do…" she trailed off when Beca shook her head.

"You already do so much, you perfect, perfect woman." she whispered. "You keep me safe, and even with those memories I've never thought you would leave me like that. I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone. You're like my own angel or something. I love you, Mina."

The blonde goddess pressed a lingering kiss to her hair. "Ich liebe dich auch, mein Lieber. So viel, dass es manchmal wehtut."

Thanks to her training in German with her girlfriend, Beca understood. Somehow it felt like it meant more the way Mina said it so fervently in her mother tongue. She smiled into that cinnamon-scented skin, feeling her earlier nightmare relax from her mind and fade away. It was practically magical how Mina was able to put her at ease just by being with her. No one else had made her feel so secure.

"So…" Beca began, feeling steadier than before. "I really like the intense attention from you, but you're not going to baby me or anything right?"

"What do you mean, maus?"

"Baby me. Like, treat me like I'm a fragile doll that might break at the drop of a hat?" she clarified, pulling back enough to look into those gorgeous blue orbs.

An affectionate smile pulled at Mina's gorgeous lips. Beca loved seeing her eyes crinkle like that. "No, meine lieb." She answered affectionately. "You are still my beloved little kicker of ass. Nothing has changed. I am only honored that you trust me enough to let me into your heart."

Beca's heart fluttered deeply. "Yeah, well. You'll just have to tell me something next time."

Mina laughed, "But kliene maus, I do not know of any fears to match yours. Losing you, perhaps, but that is not something I ever intend to do."

This time it was Beca who laughed, "Dork." She murmured, leaning in to steal Mina's lips. The blonde immediately responded, cupping the brunette's face. They had already kissed so many times, but the flood of love and pleasure still hadn't diminished in the least. She imagined it never would. If anything, she was even still falling deeper for Mina. Each day they spent together taught her a little more about the German, and more reasons to love her.

When they parted they were a little breathless. Beca was grinning like an idiot, mirroring Mina's wide smile. No real words were necessary in those moments. They just held each other, feeling their connection solidifying even further. It was a thing that seemed to transcend normal bonds. Maybe, Beca thought, just maybe it's a soulmates kind of thing.

"Hey, Mina?" Beca asked after a little while in silence.

"Hmm?" the German hummed. She sounded so serene. The velvety strength of that voice made the brunette's eyes flutter.

She smiled, "Can we go back to bed before the alarm rings?"

The German tightened her hold on Beca protectively. "Will your nightmares return?"

Beca thought about that. Now that she had opened up to Mina about it all, she somehow felt lighter. Imagining the nightmares coming back didn't seem so large a threat as it had been before. "I don't think so, now that I've told you and all. Not while I have you."

A warm smile appeared on the German's face then, "That you do, kliene maus." she pressed one last kiss to the brunette's forehead before standing with her still in her arms. Beca gasped at the sudden change, automatically leaning into the blonde to keep from falling somehow.

"Let's sleep in, too." the brunette suggested.

Mina grinned in humor, "I agree, mein liebe."

 **A/N: I'm not all that satisfied with it, but I thought you might want to see it. Let me know if you want more oneshots.**

 **Ich liebe dich auch, mein Lieber. So viel, dass es manchmal wehtut. – I love you too, my dear. So much that it hurts sometimes.**


End file.
